Questions

How come on some of my web pages I have big type?

Posted on October 11, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

There is a new group of hackers going around calling themselves the oldtimerz initiative. It is a group of senior citizens who have retired from the web industry and are tired of the consistent stylings of the younger generation of webmasters who insist on making web font sizes 10 pixels or lower. It really bugs them to try and see that size of text. So these new hackers have been hacking websites over the past year or so increasing the font size of various websites unbeknownst to many lazy young webmasters.

The other possible answer is most likely your web style sheet. The default styling may have changed if you set it. If you are using a CMS, your editor may be causing funky styling if you are cutting and pasting from Microsoft Word. You’ll have to either set the font size through the CMS to default or your the desired size.

If you send me your sites, I can look at them for you and give you a better understanding.


Why do you park on a driveway but drive on a parkway?

Posted on October 10, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Thank you for asking such an interesting question. Believe it or not there is a very logical answer.

You really have to look at the context of how us English speaking humans are too lazy to change the way we use words over time. The world around us evolves and what once was does not exist any longer. Too bad linguistically we can not grow.

As with any word, it originated many years ago. Before there were flying cars and super highways, our great land was full of forests and parks. When great pioneers of many ages ago began building out our roads, they all originally were going to driver through several parks hence the parkway.

Before super condos and multi-family communities with thousands of homes stuffed in a development with only inches away from your neighbor. Seriously who wants to see neighbor Fred sunbath in the buff! Driveways were once long roads that led up to your home. You actually had to drive up to your humble abode. Now only for the rich and famous, the driveway is a rare commodity for your average middle class family. Poor little Timmy can’t even play on his big wheel anymore with out the danger of getting hit by an oversized SUV.

Because times have changed and our language skills have not progressed further than your typical caveman is why we still drive on a parkway and park on the driveway!


So, i have to ask.. is the texture on toilet paper just to make it look pretty and feel good in your hand, or does it really increase the poop-per-square-inch pickup ratio?

Posted on October 8, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

It really depends on the job at hand. It is a very competitive market and the toilet paper people really try to out do each other. If you notice, most public bathrooms are filled with hard scratchy toilet paper that does not provide any coverage for your derrière. The quality of that toilet paper is not very flattering and often painful for people with sensitive buttocks. You end up using half a roll just to properly clean. I wonder how they public bathrooms function as they are just a money pit if they just stepped up the cost on a more decent quality. It wouldn’t cost as much in the long run because you wouldn’t have to constantly overstaff employees to constantly fill the containers. Its a shame. I talk about the public bathroom toilet paper because it shows how much the quality really affects what us traditional consumers purchase. The quilted textures that you ask of not only serve as a decorative function but provides an absorbent layer that soaks up the fecal matter much better than your public bathroom toilet paper. A more solid design gives you double the absorbency than a very thin design. Run a home test and you will see. Unfortunately after a night of spicy mexican at your local Taco Bell, there is just no hope for you. You might as well skip the textured design of the toilet paper and head straight to the flushable wipes and a long luke warm lemon peel bath to ensure ultimate cleanliness.


Why does elbow skin and nipple skin feel the same but different from the rest of my skin? Also, is this the same for monkeys and Apes?

Posted on October 4, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Your question is quite contradictory and I will answer the best I can. I am going to assume that you meant to ask how does elbow and nipple skin feel the same and look different from the rest of your body. It is quite simple. When you are born, mothers are instructed to rub coconut oil on a babies skin. They are supposed to do so until you are about two years of age. This activates a chemical reaction within the human body that causes the texture of the skin to feel smooth as normal skin after the baby comes of age. This practice was common practice until the early sixteenth century. A shortage of the coconut oil required for this practice caused many malformed nipples and grotesque elbows during the early 17th century. To the point that all the coconut oil in the land was confiscated by the kings of the time. This became such a problem that scientists and inventors tried to create an alternative. It was what I believe the renaissance of fashion that you would eventually notice leather patches on men’s coats and the invention of nipple clamps. It was very secret remedies but eventually as time passed, human’s and mammals began to adapt to the lack of coconut oil. Other remedies was created to the point that coconut oil was not required.

However, surfers of today still suffer from this condition and often suffer from chapped nipples and ranky elbows. They try to use Vaseline and surf board wax to succumb to the pain.

Monkeys and apes do not suffer from this condition. The male ape actually has a hard exterior that makes it easier to beat and show dominance amongst its family. Female apes are softer and more delicate to help feed the baby apes. Monkeys are very similar in the way they feel.


What exactly is a levy?

Posted on October 2, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Hi sir. It has been awhile since you asked the great mr. Matt a question.

Many people instantly think of Gary Levy of American Pie movie fame. He is an American comedian who just is not that funny. He has a dry sense of humor and basically has the same part he plays in every movie he is part of. In his early days he may have been funny. But his repetitious schtick has put a foul taste in many tax paying Americans. But the literal meaning if the word levy is a tax put on by a governmental agency or institution.

If you are referring to the lyrics from the American Pie song by the singer Don McLean, it is spelled levee. You should really be specific of what you need next time and check your spelling. It could cost you millions in marketing dollars if you spell your company name wrong!

Levy = tax
Levee = a structure to stop flooding

Have a great day.


Is there a shortage of actors in Hollywood?

Posted on October 1, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

I think the answer to your question is very critical to aspiring actors in this world today.

There is definitely not a shortage of actors in Hollywood. However, there is a shortage of talented actors in Hollywood. If you look at the dribble that is being produced today, you can definitely see a trend to the dumbing down of America. The past generation of the highly coveted demographic has been subjected to countless hours of reality tv. So Hollywood has had an influx of wannabe actors flood the streets thinking that they can act. Rumor has it that the government has been funding many of these shows to help contribute to the dumbing down of America. If there is a population of mindless people, then it is easier to convince people that it is best for them to do whatever the government says.
If you rent the movie Team America: World Police, you can see how the government has corrupted Hollywood and brain washed some of today’s top stars. It is a very popular film that will help explain the downfall of actors in Hollywood.
But there is hope. With the recent government shut down, the funding of these programs to dumb down America will certainly cease to exist. The studios will take bigger chances with talented actors than try to recreate tv magic with stars like mj fox that once was in the 80s.
If you meant shortage of short actors, I am sorry I misunderstood your question and would agree. How many times do we have to see peter dinklage in a role that requires a short person!
Have a great day!
Mr. Matt

Various impairments of the mind are commonly associated with old age. To what extent are these biological and origin? To what extent, social in origin?

Posted on September 30, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Yes the mind. A truly wonderful organ of the body. I believe many impairments of the mind are strictly self-induced. I think to often the excuse of old age is used when let’s just say grandpa is sick of hearing his wife of 60 years nag him to take out the damn trash for the sixth time during the last 2 minutes of the Super Bowl. Good old grandpa just easily says I can’t remember things like I used to so he can selectively do whatever the hell he wants to.

Many scientists claim that the brain deteriorates with old age. But I think the test subjects in these studies are actually geniuses disguising themselves as forgetful old timers so they can get paid or a free lunch. Society mistreats our elderly way too much and they need this escape to just communicate with someone because their children have written them off because they don’t think any inheritance is coming. So you can argue that it is brought on my social conditions as well.

Other theories could easily be blamed on drugs and alcohol but I believe these people just listened to too much Tiny Tim and watched Teletubbies for extended amounts of time causing this brain deterioration.


Why do dogs kick their back legs after pooping?

Posted on September 30, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

It is an instinctual practice. In the wild, dogs cover up their poop so a predator can not pick up their scent.


How does a hot chick ever fall for a geeky monkeyboy like Mr. Matt?

Posted on September 29, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Why put a label on someone classifying them as a geeky monkeyboy. Many women fall in love with people not only for looks but based on personality. Love is an amazing thing. Many hot chicks are wrapped up in a beautiful package, but inside they and this “geeky monkeyboy Matt” are one in the same. These two personalities were attracted to each other instantly and realized that they are compatible. One should look past the superficial assumption that this is a classic beauty and the geek scenario. It is hard to look past the pure beauty and focus on the couple as a whole. If you look past the beauty, you will see together the hot chick and this “geeky monkeyboy Matt” are beautiful together. You will then see how she fell for this geeky monkeyboy.

Or somehow this geeky monkeyboy found the secret to brainwashing hot chicks!


What topic should I write in my blog tonight?

Posted on September 28, 2013 in Questions Leave a comment

Tonight you should write about the musical stylings of Gheorghe Zamfir and how he has indirectly inspired millions through his music.

Update:
We were featured on this blog post:
DragonDrop Adventures


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